How Dry I AM

How Dry I Am

What’s so tough about drying clothes?

In days past they were simply hung on a rope outside until they dried, or froze solid in the Wisconsin winter.

Then they were brought inside to be ironed, folded and put into dressers or closets only to be dirtied, stained and abused before starting the cycle all over again.

As you might have guessed, our clothes dryer recently died.

It really began this death spiral some months ago by exhibiting loud intermittent squealing sounds from somewhere deep inside. Then, one day as the wash was piling up, it simply gave up the ghost and quit completely.

Being the fugal (cheap) guy that I am, I stalled, ignored and otherwise procrastinated until it was too late and then had to scramble to replace the deceased appliance.

We also needed a new washing machine as the old one-although it still combined soap and water with clothing and mixed them up-only worked on one of the load cycles and I had to set that with a pair of pliers because the plastic control knob was broken.

Then there was the time I tried to reach something that fell inside the cabinet and had to pry it open with a screwdriver, resulting in the top not quite fitting right. So then I inserted said screwdriver in the space nearest the hinge and pushed down on the front to correct the problem.

The repair guy only shook his head, mumbling something about “somebody didn’t know what they were doing here.”

Again being frugal (insert “cheap”) I went to the local “Honest Bob’s Used Appliance Emporium” to purchase the set. It must be said that Bob’s had provided us, relatives and others with perfectly reliable machines in the past and there was no reason to think this time would be any different.

Bob doesn’t deliver any more-something about a bad back-so I enlisted the help of a buddy to remove and install the appliances in the basement of our home.

So, two old fat guys and a pickup went into the appliance delivery business for one whole day.

Two trips up the stairs with the old ones and then two more trips down with the new, used appliances.

After two weeks the timer on the dryer quit working. Not a big thing unless someone forgets to turn it off before our clothing reaches ignition temperature.

Bob has agreed to replace the timer when he can get a new one. That was three weeks ago.

My wife now says something about clothes coming out wrinkled or some such thing.

Now I will admit that she does look nice all dressed up in unwrinkled clothes that haven’t permanently shrunk from exposure to 400 degrees F. for three hours.

My wardrobe on the other hand, consists of a style somewhere between stained and slept-in.

There can’t really be much involved in mechanically drying clothes. It’s just a matter of blowing hot air across wet stuff until the moisture is gone.

I could probably rig something up with a torch, a fan, and some duct tape.

Or not.

So now I am dutifully searching for a new (unused) fully automatic electric clothes dryer with a “wrinkle resistant” cycle and an intact washing machine-also unused.

In the mean time, Bob is still waiting for parts and my buddy doesn’t answer the phone.



3 thoughts on “How Dry I AM”

  1. I could see it all – step by hilarious step! Thanks for a truly entertaining delightful read! Can’t wait for more!! p.s. Your wife must be a saint. (wink)

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