What to do with my Powerball Winnings

 

Hey, I won! I  won! I won the power ball jackpot!

 

 

http://www.prawny.me.uk/

 

Oh, but did I really?

Now I have to find an attorney, an accountant and a financial advisor that I can trust.

 

 

Financial planners say to wait at least six months to claim winnings so as to have a specific plan in place for handling that kind of money-over a billion dollars. I need to keep a low profile and stay anonymous.

How on earth can I be expected to wait? I haven’t slept in four days as it is.

Two questions will have to be answered first. Whether to take the 1.5 billion (dollars) in a lump sum or settle for an annuity paid out over the next twenty nine years.

The lump sum amounts to about $900 million minus state and federal taxes leaving us-yeah I’ll tell my wife about it-with about $435,214,127.32, give or take.

Then we would have to invest that at least in a bond market to get a little more than the .5% the banks are paying in interest,  providing us with an income of $25 million a year minus more taxes.

The annuity on the other hand would give us an annual income of some 40 million (dollars) which again rewards us with a perpetual tax liability.

This assumes that we can actually trust the government to hang on to our money for twenty-nine years.

Not living in Illinois is a plus.

Then there are the relatives. OMG there must be about fifty-six blood relatives and, I expect to hear from about seven hundred very distant cousins.

Some, the most deserving, those with whom I grew up, shared life experiences with, stood up at their weddings, god parents to their babies.

Hmm, nah!

Our close friend who has played the Australian Lottery for over twenty years, always professed to share with us if he ever won.

Forget it!

I doubt now that I will ever see that five thousand I loaned to cousin Fred for his daughter’s kidney operation.

So now we need to set up a trust fund to handle the requests and listen to sob stories from all those freeloaders looking for yet another kidney, pancreas, heart or some other body part that they just can’t live without.

Business ventures with others, especially relatives-definitely out.

Of course, we would have to move.

No way are the neighbors ever going to believe that our lives have not changed and that the snow blower they borrowed was really not a generous gift.

I can hear them now, “Yeah but they don’t really  need the money.”

Our children, their children and the successive generations of offspring will be thinking they never have to work a day in their lives. My progeny I’m afraid,  will eventually evolve into nothing more than glasses wearing slugs.

Giving them nothing will build character.

Giving to the poor is another option, but they’ll just spend it on things, like food.

Maybe we’ll  just blow it all on booze and cruises.

Let’s see, if we had  four hundred million (dollars) to spend that would mean we could take about 40,000 all inclusive trips to the Mediterranean. Six or seven trips a year would mean that we might spend it all in, 5000 years. Umbrella drinks are extra.

Then again, we could just give it all to the government, you know, help reduce the national debt. You would think that $400 million would make a big dent in what we owe and they, the government, would be eternally grateful.

Not quite. With a $10 Billion (dollars) a day spending habit our “Greatest Jackpot in History” would last those in Washington just about three hours. I doubt they would even notice.

I think we should just give it all away. All of it. I can’t speak for my wife of course. Maybe we should split it 50-50 and I’ll give my half away. She can do what she wants with the rest.

That’s it. I’ll give all of mine away. Set up a web site or an 800 number for anyone to call who wants a piece of the pie.

As of the last drawing, my share of the winnings before taxes came to… $2. Now maybe I can get some sleep.

‘Today’s Take’, Green Bay Press Gazette.  http://greenbaypressgazette.com

 

 

 

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